I'm not OK

I will be honest, I wasn't given time to mourn or grieve the loss of my son and it PISSES ME OFF!!!  I had to go right back to work (told either come to work or get fired type scenario), not cry or get emotional around my kids, and act like everything is OK.  Well, guess what people, that anger stage that we learned in Psychology class, the anger stage that our teacher told us happens in the grief process, WELL I'M THERE IN FULL FORCE.

I carried this baby 19 weeks, I felt him kick, move, jab.  We had a name for him.  My kids knew, my family knew, and people at work knew.  Yet not even 3 weeks later and it seems everyone has forgotten the past 5 months have happened except for me.  And I am NOT going to EVER FORGET!!!  He was my child, my baby, that I carried in my body.  I'm supposed to stay strong and not break down.  I'm supposed to go to work and act like nothing ever happened.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?????? 

"Just give it time.  Take it day by day."  Sure that's easy to say.  The only people that know what I'm going through are the ones that have been through it themselves, and the ones that have never had to lose a child are the ones that keep trying to tell me everything will be ok.  Really?  When?  When do you suppose I will forget the fact that I had to deliver a baby at 19 weeks knowing he couldn't live?  When will I forget the fact that I was pregnant for 19 weeks?  When will I forget all of that???  I'm never going to forget my son.  I will never let the thought or idea or dream of him die.  He might not be here on Earth with us but he is in my heart, my mind, and my soul.  Take your "TIME" and shove it right up your ASS!

As for my angel Tucker, I love you son.  I will always love you and will never forget that you existed for 19 weeks in my womb.  I will never forget your kicks and jabs.  Your memory is safe with me.